In the flurry of media coverage ensuing from the arrival of the four "Christopher Reeves," a great deal of information has been thrown out into the ether. Unfortunately a great deal of this information is untrue. Through careful research and examination of all the available material, we at The Lair of the Dreaded Atrox have determined that the following items are at best misleading or at worst patently false. Hopefully our careful mythbusting will put an end to some of the baseless speculation that has clouded this already complicated and painful issue.

The Ereevicator and Michael Caine are engaged in a homosexual affair. FALSE. There is absolutely no evidence to suggest that "The Ereevicator" and Sir Michael Caine have had any contact, direct or otherwise, beyond their one public meeting at Stephano's. This rumor seems to have originated with the Hollywood gossip website Defamer, which published photographs late last month depicting a shirtless Caine cavorting poolside with a lean younger man in wraparound shades. The latter individual has since been revealed to be U2 frontman Bono.

The Missouri Democratic Party has asked The Ereevicator to run for the U.S. Senate. FALSE. Though Republican incumbent Jim Talent is up for reelection in November of this year, a phone call placed to party spokesperson Maureen Clothier deflated the notion that Democrats consider The Ereevicator a viable opponent. "We need to capture the swing vote," Clothier explained, "and, frankly, moderates don't respond well to the image of a candidate hurling an automobile or punching a member of the clergy." Additionally, some observers have speculated that The Ereevicator's notorious "concussive blasts" are a form of mental energy projection, and, as most pundits will tell you, psionic powers have been a political taboo since Teddy Roosevelt quit the American Theosophical Society in 1902. Finally, The Ereevicator himself seems fairly contemptuous of mainstream politics. In his Today Show interview, for example, he told Matt Lauer, "Democracy is basely unscientific."

The Ereevicator is the Walking Spirit of Vengeance. FALSE. There's no such thing as ghosts.

Controversial military software designers Nova Laboratories developed The Reeve of Steel as the first of a new line of experimental "urban pacification" androids, but the machine malfunctioned as the result of an accidental power surge during a prototype demonstration and subsequently gained sentience. FALSE. That is actually the plot of the 1986 Steve Guttenberg film Short Circuit.

The Reeve of Steel is actually actor Treat Williams. FALSE. Though Mr. Williams is, by all accounts, both a gifted thespian and a skilled teacher (both talents being displayed in the film The Substitute 2), on the day of The Reeve of Steel's initial appearance the actor was on location in Park City, Utah, filming the final episode of the award-winning WB series Everwood. Conspiracy-debunkers have also noted that Williams is, due to an unspecified childhood trauma, an admitted claustrophobe (his anxiety having caused repeated delays on the set of the underwater thriller Deep Rising), and it therefore seems unlikely that he would endure confinement in a constricting metal bodysuit, no matter how altruistic his aims.

The Reeve of Steel wants only to become a real boy. FALSE. Though it's an established fact that all robots secretly desire to become human, we must adhere to the conclusion that The Reeve of Steel is NOT A ROBOT but rather a man wearing an automated steel coccoon. This verdict is supported by the following bits of evidence: 1) The Reeve of Steel sleeps. At the end of an fourteen-hour tech rehearsal for Williamstown's rep production of Bus Stop, several sources reported that an exhausted Reeve of Steel could be heard gently snoring in the audience. 2) The Reeve of Steel eats. The hardworking Iron Man has shared many meals with the cast and crew of the festival, though he generally consumes a smoothie or diet shake, imbibed by placing a straw to a small hole in the center of his metal mask. 3) The Reeve of Steel does not understand binary code. Theatrical designer Chad Corbett reports, "I asked him if it'd be easier if I wrote out my lighting plot as a series of ones and zeros, but he seemed incapable of giving me a solid 'yes' or 'no' answer. He just shrugged and said, 'Maybe.'" 4) The Reeve of Steel is not above punching you. While thrwarting a June 11th convenience store robbery, The Reeve of Steel not only slugged the armed thief with his massive chrome fist, but proceeded to hurl the perpertrator through a pyramid of stacked cans. This is a direct violation of the First Law of Robotics.

Angelina Jolie has plans to adopt Boy Reeve.  FALSE.  This rumor, which appears to have no basis in fact, sprang from a sensational (but unsupported) assertion made by Boy Reeve in response to questions about his nebulous national identity.  Despite displaying what some members of the press have referred to, rather chauvinistically, as “All-American good-looks,” Boy Reeve does not possess a United States passport, visa, driver’s license, or birth certificate.  Some legal scholars have argued that, since he was grown in a tube in Seoul, Boy Reeve is obviously a South Korean national.  Others have contended, more theoretically, that since the young man was rendered from the DNA of an American, he qualifies as the “child” of a U.S. citizen, and is therefore a U.S. citizen himself.  (However, the inheritance and Fourteenth Amendment rights of human clones have yet to be established by the courts.)

In the initial blizzard of excitement over the public arrival of Boy Reeve (as well as the other three Reevlicates), little attention was paid to the legality of the adolescent’s residency.  But the topic became a hot-button following his June 27th appearance on MTV’s TRL.  In a string of friendly questions about his impending employment by the CW network, VJ Vanessa Minnillo inquired, “So … is it hard for you to fill out, like, a W-9?”  A sudden hush fell over the typically shrieking but surprisingly jingoistic studio audience as the teenyboppers registered the possibility of a foreigner in their midst.  Sensing the abrupt turn, Boy Reeve reassuringly quipped, “Don’t worry, dudes.  Angelina’s totally adopting me.”

Boy Reeve has since deflected concerns about his green card eligibility by claiming, on different occasions, that his captivity in a restricted laboratory qualifies him for political asylum, that he is the illegitimate child of Senator John McCain, that he is actually a Cuban refugee, and that he is betrothed to American tennis champ Serena Williams.

A Fortune 500 investment firm bankrolled Boy Reeve’s engineering with the intention of featuring him in a high-profile Superbowl commercial.  UNSUBSTANTIATED.  After Hueng Woo-Jin refused to disclose (at his June 13th press conference) the funding sources for his cloning experiments, conspiracy theorists across the blogosphere began drafting their own lists of donors.  Affluent Wall Street management company Trugreen, known to the layman largely for its sponsorship of several flamboyant and controversial advertising campaigns, has popped up repeatedly as an alleged investor in Hueng’s work.  A hard money trail, however, has yet to emerge.  A motive for Trugreen to foot the bill is also difficult to imagine.  As economist Kai Flashman observed on his weekly radio program, “How a thirty-second spot featuring a late actor’s clone is supposed to induce the purchase of mutual funds is beyond my understanding.”  He then added, “But that’s pretty much how I feel about every halftime commercial.”

Physical contact between any two of the Reeves will create a paradox that will sever space and time.  FALSE.  It is a principle of modern physics that the same matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time; but that rule holds no special significance for the four Reeves, who by all accounts are four distinct individuals, and thus obviously comprised of separate and distinct matter.  As with a number of the rumors we’re attempting to deconstruct, the misconception that the Reeves cannot touch one another seems rooted in the drunken and ill-researched declarations of Boy Reeve.  At the red carpet after-party following The Devil Wears Prada premiere, an intoxicated Boy Reeve began to loudly denounce the other Reeves.  “What a bunch of pussies!” he evaluated.  Another party attendee then inquired, “Who would win in a fight?  You or The Ereevicator?”  “What’s the MATTER with you?!”  Boy Reeve shouted back, appalled.  “We can’t TOUCH each other!  Didn’t you see Timecop?!”

Cyborg Reeve is dating indie rock icon Karen O. FALSE. Given the hectic East Coast schedule of his early arrival, and his subsequent departure for the Middle East, it seems unlikely that Cyborg Reeve has even met Karen O, stylish frontwoman for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, as she resides in Los Angeles. Gossip linking the two begins with a dedication the dynamic singer-songwriter supposedly made before a rendition of her hit "Machine" at a free concert in Silver Lake, CA. "This one goes out to the Cyborg Reeve," she announced, according to some concert-goers. "I'd like to assimilate him. I'd like to assimilate him hard." Certain rock scene commentators have attached the label "bionic fetishist" to Karen O, who in the past has been romantically linked to cyborgs Jesse Sullivan, Lee Majors, Steve Mann, Nathan Summers, and Spike Jonze.

If you have any further information about any of the supposed Reeves, questions about rumors we have failed to address, or the ability to contradict any spurious assertions we ourselves have made, please contact us at reeveswatch@theatrox.com. Remember, only knowledge can light our way through this confusing time.